another moral hangover. fuck.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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