He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
