Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
