Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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