i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
