I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need moral support for this bender
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
