I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
