whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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