I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
