Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
