My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
