4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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