I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize