I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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