I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
