he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize