I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
