Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Walk of Shame today included voting.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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