dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am available for nakedness
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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