Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The struggles of a small town man whore
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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