I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
