so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
