i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
