If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
