I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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