through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
