is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
