I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
