that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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