you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize