So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
