you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
God I need to hump something, right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
