Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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