Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
