You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
