well he's currently spooning the coffee table
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
