i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
