I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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