as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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