I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
