i permit you to call me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize