If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
