Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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