it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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