Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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