chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize