Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this just has baby written all over it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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