I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
