Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
