bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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