States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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