Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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