my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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