today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
