he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
this will be a night to untag.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
