Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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