Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
