i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
