you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
