there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
