I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
