thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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