He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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