You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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