She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
