just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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