He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Bring me that man meat
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
