Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
