You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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