So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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