I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
