i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
