I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How's work?
Spinning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize