dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
