Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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