ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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