is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
