A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
