Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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