Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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