I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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