Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
